Motherhood

Last First Birthday???

If I could put off April 5th approaching I would for…well eternity. If someone looked up ‘type A’ in a dictionary my face would be there. I check every characteristic trait for this personality. I do not procrastinate and I over plan EVERY.THING. However, I am procrastinating and have no solid plans for my baby’s first birthday!

Yes, I’m busy with a toddler and a baby. My oldest is in dance school once a week and preschool two times a week. My baby doesn’t sleep on a consistent basis so some nights I sleep great and other nights not so much (I wish she would give me a heads up prior to not sleeping so I could be prepared…. BUT you know how that works). Both girls have had colds for the last week so if you are a mom you know that sick kids is exhausting all in itself. My husband and I are trying to put our house on the market and try to save for a new house. There’s a lot going on that would make planning a birthday party difficult and reasons to procrastinate. Even with all those things going on it is not the reason I’m procrastinating. I know deep in my heart I don’t know if this will be my last first birthday,and so I want to avoid it. This statement causes so many emotions in me. I hope it’s not and I pray that it’s not the last one; but only He knows what is planned for our family.

At the beginning of 2018 I was excited for her birthday, planning such a fun family day. I remember planning Carolina’s (who is almost 4-year-old now) first birthday like it was yesterday. I was emotional about hers too but in a different way. It was my first baby having her first birthday! I knew it was very likely that there would be another baby in the future somewhere. But this time, while I hope there’s more children in my future I don’t know. My excitement has turned more into sadness that she may be my last baby. My husband is on the fence about having a third (but I think I can convince him). To him, a 3-year-old who is above all incredibly sassy and hard-headed along with a baby who isn’t quite sure she wants to sleep through the night consistently, he isn’t quite sure he has the patience for another. Honestly, I don’t either on those hard days but gosh, the thought of never feeling a baby kick inside, or hold after he/she is born, the new baby smell and sounds…. I could cry thinking about that.

I know I can’t stop time or postpone it so I am almost done planning it. She is having a unicorn theme birthday and I went all out ordering a customized birthday outfit on etsy (embarrassingly paying more for it than I ever thought I would:/). I told my husband I just had to because this may be the last one! Luckily, he just goes along with my reasoning for things and just shakes his head. Bless him. I have the big 1 balloon, unicorn balloons, table decorations, unicorn cake being custom-made for her. I will be making her own little unicorn cake just for her. So things are coming together and I know it will be a beautiful day spent with family. I will cry happy and sad tears. I love watching her grow but I LOVE this stage she is in (plus the longer I can hold off on that ‘3 year old’ stage the better).

My sweet sweet Brooklyn Raine! I have loved every moment with you! And cannot not wait for the upcoming year with you! brooklyn

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