Motherhood

Accidental milestone

Yesterday my daughter turned 13 months old. Still cannot believe I have a one year old. Doesn’t seem possible.

While I was expecting her to start walking that is not the milestone I’m referring to in the title. My daughter has always been timid around new toys and really anything so my husband and I decided to get her a potty so she can get used to it before we start with potty training eventually.

Before her bath tonight I decided to put her on it just for fun and she started peeing within seconds. I was so excited. I called for my husband to tell him! I know she usually pees before her bath so that’s why I put her on it but I wasn’t expecting anything. I actually figured she be scared of it. Maybe all those times she goes with me throughout the day is helping lol.

I know it’s super really to get so excited about something that was more a fluke but hey I will take whatever I can get! Lol!

Oh and while the thought of taking a picture entered my head I did not take one. I won’t be ‘that’ mom!

My little girl is being my big girl a little more every day! #imnotready

Motherhood

First Birthday Pressures

My daughter turns 1 next week! hold on….WHAT? Even typing that sentence seems so bizarre to me. I flash back to dreaming of having a child one day; to thinking it would never happen to me; to finding out I was pregnant; to delivering her….Now it’s her first birthday! I simply can’t understand how fast time seems to fly by. We all have 24 hours a day so how can 24 hours sometimes feel like 24 seconds. I’m experiencing a flood of constant emotions that I feel daily. I’m sure I’m alone with any of the feelings going into her first birthday!

One thing I am struggling with is her actual birthday party that I have scheduled for next Saturday. I’m already finding myself frustrated with various things; and people. I’m nervous that it will be a complete disaster. Even the weather shows that it could rain EVERY DAY next week? Why????

I feel an enormous amount of pressure to make it look like an effortless event. Thank you pinterest and over achieving moms! Why do I put this kind of pressure on myself? My husband could care less what we do (not that he doesn’t care about her or her birthday but he doesn’t care about decorations, etc). Since my husband doesn’t really care about the theme, decorations, etc… he doesn’t give much input into the whole thing. That’s frustrating to me. I don’t know if it’s partly because my mom always threw great parties (nothing extravagant; just good parties with family mostly) and so I feel like I have to match those? She keeps asking me what I have planned so far. “um, nothing yet.” her reply… “you better start deciding”… yes mother I get that [flash forward to me telling my daughter the same thing…. that’s scary… I am my mother I know].

I was going to create this great theme with coordinating food and decorations…. but she’s turning 1! She’ll never remember this party. Does this thought make me a bad mother. Should I be going overboard with this birthday because it IS her first one, She’ll never have a first birthday again? UGH the struggle is real. I think I would rather use that money for future parties where she can actually truly participate in the fun. Therefore I have decided to just do a color theme and keep things on the simple side. That just worries me that it’ll be cheap looking or look half ass.

I never thought planning a birthday party would be so difficult. Guess I better stop talking about what I think I want to do or should do or could do…. and actually get stuff together! Wish me luck!

p.s. I wonder how many tears I will shed thinking that she is turning ONE!

Motherhood

Happy Mother’s Day 

Yesterday was my first mothers day since my daughter was born.  I found it to be a very emotional day.

I’m so blessed to celebrate my first mothers day with my daughter. I don’t see this as a day for me but for her and I! Becoming a mother has been everything I expected and so much more. My heart is so full with love and I have found this peace and completeness in my soul that I wasn’t expecting. Before I had her the thought of dying meant that everything stopped there; my story is over. After having her, I don’t feel that way. She carries on my story and will continue on long after I’m gone. There is something very comforting in that. At the same time, having a child has made me realize how precious life is and that I hope to not miss a minute of her growing up. By becoming a mother I’ve discovered fears I didn’t know I had and a love that I just didn’t know existed. My lifetime simply isn’t enough to fully express what Carolina means to me. I love being able to spend all my days with her.

Becoming a mother also gives me a greater appreciation for my own mother and I thank her immensely for everything she had taught me. I have a great role model for motherhood.

I’ve mentioned before that being a mom is a lot of guess work and thinking on your toes… I may not always know the right thing to do but everyday I get up and try to be the best mom I can be and create memories that will last her and I a lifetime.

I spent the day with my daughter and I couldn’t imagine doing anything different. She makes every day so much fun. We didn’t do much but we spent the day as a family; which in the big scheme of things is the best gift/present I could get.

My husband took me to lunch and to get sushi of all things so I was very excited about that! I gorged myself on sushi and left ready for a nap; which all of us did! 🙂

While we were at lunch I could tell others were there celebrating mothers day as well. It hit me at that moment, that I was part of this ‘club’; the club of mothers. Yes, I have celebrated mothers day with my mom every year that I can remember…but this was the first time I got to experience it as a mother myself. In years past, especially after getting married and wanting a baby for so long, mothers day was more of a reminder that I wasn’t a mother. Selfishly it felt like a slap in the face in a way. That isn’t to say that I didn’t appreciate showing my mother some extra love and attention on mothers day, but if you have ever been in the position of wanting a child for so long and not thinking it was going to happen for you, holidays are hard. Especially holidays like mothers day, fathers day, etc.

Finally, I got my blessing and she is everything I prayed for. I think about her and I could cry such happy tears. I have thanked God every day since I found out I was pregnant and every day since she was born for her.

Her smile is everything! Her whole life lights up; and I hope she never loses that!

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To all the mothers, mothers to be, step moms, dads who play the moms role as well, everyone that cares for a child, I hope you had a great mothers day!

Motherhood

11 month update

My beautiful little baby is 11 months old today. I’ve said it before but she has completely changed every part of me. Her personality develops and shines more and more everyday. She makes me laugh everyday. She’s so smart. She can now distinguish 15 toys. She can say 5 words: mama, dada, doggie, Sadie,hi. She loves the songs itsy bitsy spider, row your boat. Her favorite cartoons are Mickey mouse and Henry Hugglemonster. She likes being read to and will also try to read them back. Loves being outside. She is simply a joy!!

 

Motherhood

5 Kisses for You!

My favorite spot in my home (quite possibly the planet) is my glider in my daughters room.

Bedtime for my daughter has become by far one of my favorite times. I’m sure I’ve written about it (maybe even a few times) before. I’m not counting the struggle it is to get her pjs on part; but the rocking part. I’ve always been very strict with her bedtime routine and for almost 11 months now we haven’t changed it. The great part of that is she sleeps through the night and is pretty happy most of the day. The down side is sometimes life tries to interfere and makes the ritual more challenging due to outings, family visits, trips, etc. When we don’t follow the plan she doesn’t sleep so well through the night.

But when I’m rocking her to sleep it is just heaven. It’s dark, calm, and quiet. We use a sound machine set to the noise of rain. I also use a fan in her room pointed away from her so that there is air flow through the night. But for the most part it is quiet. I find myself so relaxed at that moment. It may have been a stressful day and maybe when I’m done putting her to bed my stressful day will continue; but for that moment in time I am at peace. I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt that feeling before. Pure, honest peace. It’s quite nice I must say. I don’t worry about who may be texting/calling, what’s on tv, the endless list of chores I still have to do. I honestly think about nothing other than how happy I am to be in that moment. I get to feel this way every day!

On to the topic of this blog entry; 5 kisses.

Every night while I’m rocking my daughter to sleep I give her 5 kisses before I lay her down to bed. Here’s why:
1. A kiss from me; mommy!
2. A kiss from daddy!
3. A kiss from her grandparents, because they live far away from us and I know if they were here they’d kiss her goodnight!
4. A kiss from everyone who never got the chance to meet her! This one I hold dear to me because I always seem to think of my granny when I’m rocking her. How I wish she was still alive to see her, hold her, and love her. I know she is watching over her and me but it’d still be nice to have her here physically. Maybe she is with us in that moment because I seem to always think of her. At least I’d like to think that. In addition to my granny, I wish my husbands sister could still be here to meet her niece as well. I never got to meet her but from pictures they look alike in many ways. This kiss is for them and all our other family members who are no longer with us.
5. An extra kiss; because there is no reason to stop at 4! I guess it’s my way of finishing out our wonderful day and for her to sleep well.

I have done this every night for as long as I can remember. When she is older I will continue this and I’ll tell her all about why I kiss her 5 times before bed. Since becoming a mom I truly appreciate the little, simple things in everything because it’s all those little things that end up being so big in meaning!

Motherhood

Happy 10 months baby girl

My daughter is 10 months old today! She’s really developing her personality and she’s really feisty and energetic! She’ll laugh so hard and the next second crying. She is also figuring out how to get attention (good/bad). She’s very inquisitive about everything. She keeps me on my toes and busy… I love her more than words! I’m the luckiest mom in the world having her as my daughter.