Motherhood

Trick or treat

The trick:
Tonight’s weather was much more a trick than a treat! It felt like high 20s with 30 mph wind and some snow!!!! Ugh snow!!!!!

We didn’t go out due to weather. It was worth risking my baby’s health. So we just got her dressed up and took some pictures. I also facetime my parents of course. We facetime daily!

The treat: I’m so glad I didn’t spend crazy dollars on an infant costume. I looked and debated on it but just couldn’t bring myself to pay for it. I’m sure we will have plenty of years of buying the “it” costume of the year. Plus I think simple costumes are cute.

Without further ado here is my little beanie baby…

IMG_9402.JPG

IMG_9411.JPG

She had fun and just laughed and laughed! My heart is happy!!

How did your Halloween go? Hopefully those with older children had better weather and was able to get lots of candy!!

Motherhood

I made a human…. WHAT?!?!

As I rocked my baby before I put her to bed something hit me like a ton of bricks. I made her! Every inch of her, every part of her being, I made her (with a little help from her daddy). I carried her inside of me. She never existed before and there will never be no one else like her. Even as I typed that last sentence it amazes me how true that is. How incredible is that? I certainly did something right! I’m so in love with her!

from our walk today!

I mean I knew I was pregnant and I know what happens when a female is pregnant; I’ve seen the movie ‘The Miracle of Life’ which was made in the early 80s. I think all I really took away from it was the ‘fashion’ (if you can call it that) the adults were wearing… oh my! You know you agree with this. I think during my whole pregnancy it was never real to me. I guess I thought I’d just go to the hospital the doctor would come in, I’d deliver, and from around the corner my baby would appear. You know the stork carries the baby to the hospital room. HA! Seriously though, it amazes me what the female body can do. What we are capable of. How beautiful. I kind of want to be pregnant again, and again, and again. Okay I’m not sure about 3 more times… but definitely again.

All of this made me think of a quote I’ve read probably a thousand times when I was pregnant; “No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” I remember thinking ‘aww, how cute’. It was just this sweet saying but I didn’t understand the full meaning until the days since she was born. Her and I have this bond that no one else can have, take, understand. How special. It truly is an honor that I got to be this little girls mom. I hope there is never a day that she questions my love for her. I hope I can set the foundation where she always feels at ease in communicating whatever life is throwing at her. I’m here for her. I’m not her friend.. (yet), I am her mother. We may not always agree and to be honest like each other but I’ll always have an ear to listen to her stories, a shoulder for her to cry on, and a hand to help her up if she ever falls. I will always love her.

no-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-youafter-allyoure-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside-kindness-quote

I have also noticed that when I get overwhelmed with emotions about my daughter, I always think about my mother and all she did for us. I wish there was a way I could have known then what I know now; I would have expressed my gratitude with her more back then. As many teenage daughters and mothers disagree; we had some rough years. I wish I could take those back. I now understand why my mom did what she did, said what she said. (Let’s not tell her that 🙂 but I get it…thanks mom).

There hasn’t been a day gone by that when I feel so much love and emotions for my own daughter that I also don’t feel such appreciation for my own mom. Her and I have the same bond my daughter and I have. You always hear about Fathers and Daughters… I say lets also make Mothers and Daughters worth talking about! 🙂 4734100_f520Amen!!

Motherhood

Time Machine?!?! Please

Tonight while putting my daughter to bed tears filled my eyes. This wasn’t the first time and I know out won’t be the last.

An old co worker of mine is in labor and it brings me back to May 27th. I miss that day everyday and would go back to that day in a heart beat. In the same breath I adore the little girl my daughter is becoming.

I have a hard time believing that she will become a toddler, pre teen, teenager (Lord help me with this one), and an adult. I can’t imagine not having a baby in my arms. Will I be the next 19 and counting mom…. Highly doubtful but I get why she had so many babies lol.

All of these thoughts and feelings flooded my head while rocking her and couldn’t help but feel tremendous love and happiness yet just a touch of sadness because as I lay her down to sleep at night I know this day will never happen again. This fact breaks my heart. I never knew I could feel so many different emotions at the same time as I have some becoming a mom.

And boy oh boy the days fly by. Why it’s that? Right when I want every day the last forever they fly by….

I hope my old co worker has a smooth delivery and her and her daughter are healthy. Thoughts and prayers to her. I shared with her…It’s definitely an adventure and welcome to the best days of your life. You’ve never known happiness, fear, and love like you will when you see her!!

Good night world and goodbye October 15th 2014. It’s been a wonderful day and I know tomorrow will be filled with so much happiness and love.

IMG_8922.JPG