Motherhood

5 Kisses for You!

My favorite spot in my home (quite possibly the planet) is my glider in my daughters room.

Bedtime for my daughter has become by far one of my favorite times. I’m sure I’ve written about it (maybe even a few times) before. I’m not counting the struggle it is to get her pjs on part; but the rocking part. I’ve always been very strict with her bedtime routine and for almost 11 months now we haven’t changed it. The great part of that is she sleeps through the night and is pretty happy most of the day. The down side is sometimes life tries to interfere and makes the ritual more challenging due to outings, family visits, trips, etc. When we don’t follow the plan she doesn’t sleep so well through the night.

But when I’m rocking her to sleep it is just heaven. It’s dark, calm, and quiet. We use a sound machine set to the noise of rain. I also use a fan in her room pointed away from her so that there is air flow through the night. But for the most part it is quiet. I find myself so relaxed at that moment. It may have been a stressful day and maybe when I’m done putting her to bed my stressful day will continue; but for that moment in time I am at peace. I don’t know if I’ve ever really felt that feeling before. Pure, honest peace. It’s quite nice I must say. I don’t worry about who may be texting/calling, what’s on tv, the endless list of chores I still have to do. I honestly think about nothing other than how happy I am to be in that moment. I get to feel this way every day!

On to the topic of this blog entry; 5 kisses.

Every night while I’m rocking my daughter to sleep I give her 5 kisses before I lay her down to bed. Here’s why:
1. A kiss from me; mommy!
2. A kiss from daddy!
3. A kiss from her grandparents, because they live far away from us and I know if they were here they’d kiss her goodnight!
4. A kiss from everyone who never got the chance to meet her! This one I hold dear to me because I always seem to think of my granny when I’m rocking her. How I wish she was still alive to see her, hold her, and love her. I know she is watching over her and me but it’d still be nice to have her here physically. Maybe she is with us in that moment because I seem to always think of her. At least I’d like to think that. In addition to my granny, I wish my husbands sister could still be here to meet her niece as well. I never got to meet her but from pictures they look alike in many ways. This kiss is for them and all our other family members who are no longer with us.
5. An extra kiss; because there is no reason to stop at 4! I guess it’s my way of finishing out our wonderful day and for her to sleep well.

I have done this every night for as long as I can remember. When she is older I will continue this and I’ll tell her all about why I kiss her 5 times before bed. Since becoming a mom I truly appreciate the little, simple things in everything because it’s all those little things that end up being so big in meaning!

Motherhood

I made a human…. WHAT?!?!

As I rocked my baby before I put her to bed something hit me like a ton of bricks. I made her! Every inch of her, every part of her being, I made her (with a little help from her daddy). I carried her inside of me. She never existed before and there will never be no one else like her. Even as I typed that last sentence it amazes me how true that is. How incredible is that? I certainly did something right! I’m so in love with her!

from our walk today!

I mean I knew I was pregnant and I know what happens when a female is pregnant; I’ve seen the movie ‘The Miracle of Life’ which was made in the early 80s. I think all I really took away from it was the ‘fashion’ (if you can call it that) the adults were wearing… oh my! You know you agree with this. I think during my whole pregnancy it was never real to me. I guess I thought I’d just go to the hospital the doctor would come in, I’d deliver, and from around the corner my baby would appear. You know the stork carries the baby to the hospital room. HA! Seriously though, it amazes me what the female body can do. What we are capable of. How beautiful. I kind of want to be pregnant again, and again, and again. Okay I’m not sure about 3 more times… but definitely again.

All of this made me think of a quote I’ve read probably a thousand times when I was pregnant; “No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you’re the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.” I remember thinking ‘aww, how cute’. It was just this sweet saying but I didn’t understand the full meaning until the days since she was born. Her and I have this bond that no one else can have, take, understand. How special. It truly is an honor that I got to be this little girls mom. I hope there is never a day that she questions my love for her. I hope I can set the foundation where she always feels at ease in communicating whatever life is throwing at her. I’m here for her. I’m not her friend.. (yet), I am her mother. We may not always agree and to be honest like each other but I’ll always have an ear to listen to her stories, a shoulder for her to cry on, and a hand to help her up if she ever falls. I will always love her.

no-one-else-will-ever-know-the-strength-of-my-love-for-youafter-allyoure-the-only-one-who-knows-what-my-heart-sounds-like-from-the-inside-kindness-quote

I have also noticed that when I get overwhelmed with emotions about my daughter, I always think about my mother and all she did for us. I wish there was a way I could have known then what I know now; I would have expressed my gratitude with her more back then. As many teenage daughters and mothers disagree; we had some rough years. I wish I could take those back. I now understand why my mom did what she did, said what she said. (Let’s not tell her that 🙂 but I get it…thanks mom).

There hasn’t been a day gone by that when I feel so much love and emotions for my own daughter that I also don’t feel such appreciation for my own mom. Her and I have the same bond my daughter and I have. You always hear about Fathers and Daughters… I say lets also make Mothers and Daughters worth talking about! 🙂 4734100_f520Amen!!